The Silent Minority.

Who is the Silent Minority when it comes to mental health?

From my counselling experience, any mental illness does not just affect the individual suffering from the problem, but can cascade outwards to numerous people involved in that person's life. And those people can become the 'Silent Minority'.

If your partner, a loved one, family member or friend is diagnosed with a mental health condition, where do you turn to for advice?  Sure, your GP may be able to offer some basic, generic advice, but a GP's time is limited and may only be able to spend a few minutes with you. Plus, they cannot of course discuss the medical condition of the person you are trying to help. There are one or two books out there, but the symptoms of the illness your loved one maybe suffering from, will be unique and no book will be able to answer all your questions.

In my work I am always interested in the support network my client has. Let's face it, if you're ill, you need to know that those around you will help.  A lot of clients feel guilty that in some way they are harming those around them and disrupting their lives. 

It's only relatively recently that the brick wall, which has been the stigma of mental illness, has started to come down.  We can now discuss depression and stress more openly but still people don't know all the facts and still people ridicule the various conditions.

If someone you know has a mental illness, consider the following to help you help them:

• think about going to a consultation (i.e. with the GP) with them. You may be able to ask questions and also make notes so that important points can be remembered later.
• ask for information about any medication that has been prescribed. If they are prescribed medication such as anti-depressants, ensure you are aware of any possible side-effects.  Remember, this type of medication is normally prescribed over a period of months so make sure you arrange to go back to your GP BEFORE the prescription runs out.
• check to see if a blood test might be needed periodically because of the medication prescribed.
• ask about support groups, on-line or otherwise so you can gain more information if necessary.  

By involving yourself in the process with your partner, you will hopefully  feel less isolated about symptoms, diagnosis, drugs etc etc.

Back at home, try and keep things as normal and structured as possible. Avoid saying things like, 'snap out of it' etc as if that was possible, there wouldn't be a problem in the first place. Be patient, ask what help your partner wants (they may need to be left alone at times) and encourage them to get out of the house at least once a day. There's a really good poster on my Facebook page:



Don't try and force them to talk.  They may feel terrible, but won't necessarily have the words to explain how they are feeling.  If they need to cry, let them; often this allows a release of anger or frustration.  Encourage them to write down their feelings and thoughts, even if it's just singular, simple words.

Try and ensure your partner eats well, or as best they can in the circumstances.  Check they are taking their medication as prescribed and if you notice any signs of self-harm or suicidal tendencies, call the GP immediately.

Try to avoid becoming a carer as that appears, from my experience, to be one way of dragging down the partner or loved one.  If you feel pulled down by the weight of responsibility, speak to your GP as well as the last thing we want is for you to internalise your worries and pain.

There are lots of things we can do when someone we love has a mental illness. These are just a few pointers and of course if you have any other questions, feel free to write to me.  If you are interested in attending a support group which would meet on a fortnightly basis, just email me to show your initial interest and I can take it from there.

Kind regards

John Sayer  
empowerment@btinternet.com 

'Retirement is 'harmful to health' - BBC website

I guess everything is harmful to health if we don't understand something, haven't researched it or mis-understood what it really meant.  After all, 'retirement' means a whole host of things to different people simply because of our age and our attitude towards it.

Gone are the days when we signed off from a company with our gold carriage clock having emptied our desk and said our farewells to all those we had spent the last thirty years or so with.  

Retirement is a phase of life.  Speak to someone who has the very best job for them and they may not even believe they are working; they just do each day what they've always wanted to do.  I saw Eddie Izzard the other night and he said the same thing and other comedians have commented on the notion of having a 'job' whereby you make people laugh.

There needs to be some context in this BBC report and indeed the research they are commenting on. Retirement is a personal thing. Some of us may well never fully stop working because that is the way we want it to be. We may have the perfect mix of leisure and work that ensures we have our minds occupied in varying ways. Some will be happy to have each and every day to themselves with no work at all, but they won't be bored.

It is too an emotive subject to be backed up by research in my opinion; far to too subjective.  It carries so many generalisations that inevitably we get tagged in every sentence.  I believe in research, but this leaves me cold I'm afraid and I'd love to know what you think.

My view is a simple one.  Don't be seduced by the headline; read an article as if it was addressed to you and you alone and then decide if in fact it's worth the paper it's printed on.

And on that note, I shall retire for a cuppa!

Sleep and the 21st Century Bedroom

Sounds a bit like a track from a Genesis track in the Gabriel era doesn't it?  But in fact it's the title of some research I would like to re-visit.

When I was training all those years ago, we were required to complete a research project of our choice.  I chose sleep in the current age as almost 100% of my clients had some problem with the amount of sleep they were getting and the quality.  By investigating further, it was possible to look at the reasons why so many more people struggle with their nocturnal sleep habits.

Nowadays, my clients tend to tell me about their sleep issues before I have even raised the issue, so it occurred to me that maybe it's a problem that is a/getting worse and b/more people are aware of it and want to do something about it.

Under the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) ethical framework, conducting research requires strict rules and regulation.  I have therefore started the research in a low-key way by setting up a poll on my Facebook page -  https://www.facebook.com/JohnSayerCounselling From there I will send out a questionnaire, on-line, to all those who email me at empowerment@btinternet.com  and state they wish to take part etc.  All replies will be totally confidential and the questions will be broad in their approach.

So, if you are interested, drop me a line at the above email address and I will collate all the names and you will receive an INDIVIDUAL response in due course (probably at the end of June). Your details will be kept totally confidential.  If you do email me, can you please put the word 'research' in the title/subject line.  If you haven't already, perhaps you could answer the Facebook poll and get as many of your friends to contribute as well.

I really hope you can take part and I look forward to sharing my findings with you in due course.

Kind regards

John

Providing Help For Carers.

Responding to:- http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-22478706

There are tens of thousands of carers in this country and the very nature of their work means that they do it for love and rarely see it as a job. But the commitment to look after someone who is ill or elderly, is astonishing. Often the care is given without training, with little help from outside sources and is very much a 24 hour shift, 7 days a week.

The idea of taking time off for a break or a holiday is an anathema to the carer; it simply doesn't fit into the mindset they develop.  They feel they should be around their loved one all the time and the guilt would be overwhelming if they took time out.  This can lead to the carer becoming ill themselves, yet they often refuse to seek help from their GP or elsewhere.

I have tried to champion the cause of carers in the past, but my ideas were turned down as the target audience were invariably seen as 'adults who can speak up for themselves'. But the opposite is more accurate. Carers don't feel they have the time to take up appointments with their GP and additionally, may struggle to get someone to look after their loved one if they do attend.  

Screening is a superb idea, but what does a GP do if they find a carer is ill?  Counselling and support is essential, but with waiting lists over the 12 month mark in some areas, can people be expected to wait that long?  

To me, fortnightly or monthly group meetings are perhaps the best way to get support, but it shouldn't just be about discussing the problems they encounter on a day to day basis, there should be enhanced therapeutic interventions such as trips out, experiential workshops and a practical approach to relieving the stress involved.

As always, if you know someone who is a carer and you want some advice, just let me know through the normal email address.

Is Therapy Just For The Ill?

Many people believe you have to have a medical or emotional reason to go into counselling; that there must be something wrong with you that needs to be 'fixed'.

It's true that a lot of people who see me have depression, anxiety or another emotional/mental illness which is blighting their life.  But there are also a lot of people who will simply want the support and guidance of a trained therapist who will listen, explore and not judge. Plus all of this being within a completeley confidential arena.  (I'll be writing a little more on confidentiality soon).

We are sometimes too attached to family or loved ones to be able to sit down and discuss certain issues.  They will obviously have an agenda based on the relationship they have with you.  That's normal, perfectly fine.  But what do you do if you need to discuss a very important issue without emotion getting in the way?

I've had people come to see me for a host of issues which you wouldn't ordinarily be classed as an illness and a few examples are below.

• Should I change from my current job to another?
• I'm due to have an operation and I'm not sure if I should proceed or not.
• Bereavement (of course there may be some stress or depression involved here)
• I'm feeling generally out of sorts and would like to talk to someone.
• I'm being bullied at work (or school) and would like some help in dealing with it.
• I'd like to become more assertive.
• My (our) relationship is a little on the rocks, can you help?
• I've started a new job and want to develop my inter-personal skills to help me succeed.

The fact is, you don't have to be suffering one of a myriad of problems you might initially take to your GP in order to access counselling.  You may be feeling 'out of sorts' in life and don't know why and would appreciate a professional eye/ear on the matter.

You might be new to an area and feel you need to have some point of reference to help you build your confidence a little.  Or you may just have an issue which is going around and around in your head but you can't make sense of it.  Of course, you may not have anyone else to talk to - isolation problems etc.

On top of these situations, there are people who are looking to better themselves in lives and need a helping hand choosing the right direction. It might be a career decision, for example, and your prospective boss might not be the best one to chew over the cud with.

Sometimes us humans just need to offload and by doing so at a certain point in time means you may be averting a deeper crisis further down the line.

So, you don't have to be 'ill' to come into counselling, you just might want to talk.

One final point, you don't have to pay the earth to access counselling. For some of the issues I mentioned above, the number of sessions average around 5 and if need be these can be attended fortnightly with work to do in between.  I often provide email support between one session and the neck, so a lot of people see it as a good investment.

If you are interested, or a little unsure of whether your issue could be helped in counselling, just drop me a line and I'll get back to you - normally within 24 hours.

Thanks for reading.

FREE get-together coming up!!

Everything You (and your partner) Wanted to Know About Counselling, But Were Too Afraid to Ask!

I am planning a FREE, informal get-together in the near future for people who would like to know more about the counselling process - be it on a one-to-one basis or in workshops.  

I aim to dispel some of the myths and legends of the counselling room and explain some of the ways us counsellors work.

It will also cover how to deal with someone you know who has an emotional/mental illness Partners of people who have depression, anxiety etc., are often overlooked and I feel they need to know how they can help their loved-one and also avoid slipping into a rut in their lives.

It will be held in the Telford area, most likely on a Saturday and will run for just two hours.

If you are interested, even just a teeny bit, can you email me please at empowerment@btinternet.com 

Once I know roughly the numbers who could attend, I will be able to work on it further.

Blog continues on Facebook

Just a quick update.  I may be re-introducing this blog in due course (not quite on the scale of a Frank Sinatra comeback tour) but for now the following link is working just as effectively.

If you can 'like' the FB page, that would be appreciated.

https://www.facebook.com/JohnSayerCounselling

Regards

John Sayer