The Art of Communication

It would be foolish to suggest that I could cover all bases of this enormous subject in one blog, as many, many books have been written about the subject over the years. However, I can give a flavour as to the many areas where we all fall down with poor communication and how counselling techniques can help us all.

Take a situation such as walking into a shop and wanting to buy something.  We all have different expectations on how we should be served, but I reckon most of us would want a level of courtesy, professionalism and attention to name but three criteria.

If we can't see what we're looking for, we need to know that someone, with a degree of enthusiasm, will want to point us in the right direction, check that we're happy and then take our purchase to the counter and process it with a smile and a degree of gratitude that we have used their shop. Not too much to ask is it?

Yet, I walked into a high street shop once, couldn't find what I was looking for and had to 'break-up' a deep and meaningful conversation between four 'shop assistants' who were mulling over the previous evening's Eastenders. One had an ipod locked in his ear, the other started to use his mobile, and the remaining two were chewing gum.

Asked if they had the item I wanted to buy, I had the curt, brusque response of 'Is it on the shelf'?

The other three just looked me up and down.

I'll be honest, I ended it there. I couldn't see that this was going to work and I really did not want to buy from them.  I made my excuses and went to leave the shop. But as I did, I noticed that all four of them simply went back into their previous modes.

Now, this may have been a little extreme, my unlucky day or I'd caught them off guard, but in all sincerity, how did they hope to make a sale with the kind of attitude that offered no basic level of communication?

Communication is all around us, everywhere we turn. In shops, on the phone, via letter, via mobile, conversation etc etc.  If we want to get a message across either commercially, as above, or privately, there are one or two rules we need to abide by.

We communicate with our eyes, body language, hands and that's before we open our mouths.

Eric Berne's seminal book, 'The Games People Play' detailed the many 'transactions' that go on between people every second of every day. From it sprung Transactional Analysis, an in-depth and fascinating theory as to how us humans interact with each other.

I have used this theory to assist people with assertiveness problems, anger issues and stress issues.  It breaks down the myths and fears of dealing with people in public and allows us to obtain what is ours by right and also goods/services etc that we desire.  There are some real fears within people regarding asking for what they want, for standing up for themselves, but it's possible to increase confidence in these areas many times over and give individuals the freedom to go about their lives.

From a corporate point of view, this same theory can be adopted by companies so that they know their staff are dealing with it's clients in the most professional manner possible.  It also helps in conflict resolution - or complaints handling.  If we recognise where we are coming from in an argument and where the other person stands, we can achieve a solution that doesn't require raised voices or the threat of violence.

To illustrate this more, I run a morning workshop for individuals who want to improve their confidence in these situations.  I also offer corporate training and welcome questions from anyone who might be interested.

Thanks for reading.

John Sayer