..................... the blight of hidden thuggery.
I see the various social media sites are hitting the news almost daily now and for all the wrong reasons. Inappropriate advertising, cyber-bullying, cyber-fraud - the list goes on. The original link I put on the Facebook page was:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-23709009 (just click to read the whole article).
When I had my regular blog running, I posted an article on this very subject well over a year ago. Sadly, not much has changed and I wonder why. Is it because there isn't the motivation amongst our politicians and regulators to do anything about it, or is the problem so big, nothing can be done about it?
But today a young girl with her life ahead of her has been buried. Hannah Smith took her own life after being bullied on-line. And this morning we hear of Daniel Perry who took his life after being blackmailed on-line.
There are numerous examples and I hope you have heard them all because if you haven't, you can't possibly be aware of the dangers you and your kids may be face on social media sites.
There is no doubt that in general these social networking sites (SNS) allow people to come together and there isn't a problem for most. But the article by the BBC focuses on Facebook.
I was dragged onto Facebook kicking and screaming about two years ago by a good friend who assured me that it was THE way to secure more business and be seen out there. Well, from that angle it has been of use, but no sooner had I set up my own FB account page, my friend had moved onto something else - Twitter, something I have no intention of dabbling in. I had heard so much about these SNS, yet I felt sorely let down by what I found and even today, it's almost embarrassing the things you can't do on it.
The BBC report outlines a study of the well-being of users. What wasn't pointed out is the subconscious effect as well as the conscious effect on people. You may read something and the message may go straight to the subconscious possibly building up negativity. For example, you get a message from a friend who is on an expensive holiday abroad and they avail you of all the details. Are you genuinely delighted for them or do you feel you're having your nose rubbed in the dirt and secretly you are jealous, envious, even angry?
Then you read a list of posts of peoples' plights in their day to day world. There might be someone moaning about something quite trivial when the last article you read was about the deaths in Egypt. The juxtaposition of the two can be disarming. It's easy to see how frustration and annoyance can build up and if someone is constantly whinging about their problems, does your view of them change?
Nowadays, we live in an age where it is so easy to contact so many different people on-line. People we know, people we don't know and people we'd like to know. But privacy and security is something so many people take for granted or, even worse, just don't bother about.
Through my counselling years, some 30/40% of my clients have had a personal experience of something going wrong with social networking - and I don't mean problems logging on or forgetting a password. They experienced abuse, threats, misinformation, false accusations, hacking and stalking to name just some of the issues.
They have lost partners to illicit affairs that were played out behind their backs for years in some cases. The ensuing overall problems of mis-trust, low self-esteem and poor confidence are rarely measured. However, if you imagine three out of ten people have been badly affected by something that is meant to be entertainment, well would you buy that game?
There are a lot of fragile people out there and they don't know where to go when they are turned upon by an anonymous person somewhere in the ether. The result is a darkness that pervades even some of the most vivid nightmares. The level of intensity created by a barrage of hate mail, violent threats and often, pornography, left some clients on the brink of breakdown. What is after all just a way of communicating, was being played out in living rooms and was very real.
The 'friending' or 'de-friending' of people has also left its mark. If your self-esteem is brittle at the best of times, you can imagine how people would feel when they turn on their pc to find so-called friends had alienated them. More sinister would be the 'games' families would play - Mothers or Fathers blocking sons or daughters or vice-versa.
So, how does Facebook leave you feeling? Do you delete more than you keep? Have you become bored with the content? Do you find yourself seeking the positive news rather than the grumbler's comments? Without knowing it, you may be subconsciously building up a cocktail of anger and frustration but without venting it.
I have no axe to grind against any of these services, but what happens when we don't take security seriously enough and we share information we would never have even thought of doing so just fifteen or so years ago. Children, as we know, are the most vulnerable here and it's heartening to see the outing of more cases of 'groomers' increasing; there is a growing awareness. Yet, when something as big as a SNS becomes more than a plaything, it takes over your life. Plus, when that source of misery takes little or no action against the pervaders of hatred, you wonder where this could lead to.
Parents have an on-going problem ensuring their children don't pass on personal details, not just about the child themselves, but the family home details, address, telephone number etc etc. An innocent request for a home 'phone number can lead to real problems if that little bit of information gets into the wrong hands.
The language of the 'haters' as I call them, knows no bounds. They are capable of anything as they are cowards who exist behind a dull screen and a keyboard from which they pour their vitriol. I've been asked in the past who I believe does this sort of thing; the sort of person who hides behind a computer and dishes out loathings and venom. The type of individual who believes he/she has the right to abuse and threaten someone they don't even know, someone they may only have formed an opinion via a radio or TV show.
I'm not qualified to give an educated answer, but I think a lot of the people who do this are frustrated individuals who are possibly mentally ill as well, who don't have much control over their own lives and therefore vent their fury to anyone who can be vulnerable to their actions.
But they can't all be sick, just take a look at the TV the next time the football is on and watch the torrent of abuse from the crowd when one of the opposition has the ball. In the high street you'd be arrested for such abuse. These are grown men and women!! Why?
If SNS have affected you, then there are steps you can take to ensure the misery ends immediately. But sitting and hoping the answer lies in front of you, on the screen, will only prolong the agony.
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